Tag: Your Mom

I am… a giant. At 6’4″, 175 lbs, I stand above everyone. With RARE exception, I can either see over a large crowd unobstructed or my hat (a SpongeBob SquarePants Yellow hat) can bee seen over everyone. I am instantly shocked when someone taller walks into the room. Because it never happens! I have been tall all my life. Tallest in class, tallest in the school. Taller than all but one of my teachers. (second grade, my teacher was 6’1″. I was only 5’6″.) I was the tallest kid in my elementary school at the beginning of 5th grade, but at some point that year, Mindi hit her growth spurt and passed me by a couple inches.

I think that’s the reason I had a crush on her.

When I was in Cub Scouts, around 13 yrs old, my friend Tim’s Mom was our Den Mother. I was 5’6″ or so and a mouthy thirteen year old, and she was as tough as a wolf mother, and not even 4’6″ tall… To my eyes, it was a DRAMATIC height difference. And, being a 13 year old, I liked to… um, kindly reference our differences in height…? (did anyone buy that?)

Right. I would smart off “Oh yeah? What’cha gonna do about it, shorty?”

…. quick aside here. As I write this, I have in my minds eye a scene where I am being sarcastic with Tim’s Mom. I HOPE that’s how it was? I sound like a hell-child writing it out loud! I HOPE that’s how it came across. If not, I guess, Look for my “Apologies and Retractions” section, coming soon!… sigh…

SO, smart-ass me says “What’cha gonna do about it, shorty?” And, bless her heart, all four-foot-nothing walks right up to me, serious as can be, looks me in the eyes and says “No matter how tall you get, I can ALWAYS stand on a chair.”

boom.

She was a wonderful woman. Very caring, loved her being our Den Mother. So she had earned our respect, and each of us tried to show it. And we had seen he grab Tim’s ear a time or two, so we knew NOT to piss her off!

I could not think of a better person to be engaging overseas with aggressive foreign leaders on behalf of the People of the United States. Honestly, who could make decisions that reflect the overall wellbeing of the ENTIRE US better than “…Your Mom!” I would say, in fact, IF Tim’s Mom were to run in 2020, that would be the ONLY possible opponent I could not defeat.

After all, she could just stand on a chair.